On the Road With the Kissing Show

I've been on the road the past two weeks with the kissing show. I had a lot of fun and made a few new friends; and I didn't have a single heckler in the house for nine straight performances. The kissing show is nicely described in this article about my appearance at the University of Richmond: Students Learn the Art of Kissing. I enjoy talking with reporters, and not simply because I get publicity from it: I actually enjoy meeting the creative people behind the stories. Journalism — and especially the New Journalism —is a big interest of mine. I really enjoyed the way Avril Lighty wrote her story, and I hope you do too. (Photo: William Cane standing in the audience while directing the kissing show. Photo by Lily Ackerman.)

How to End a Kissing Relationship

I received the following question from a woman in South Dakota. I include my reply, illustrating how to end a bad kissing relationship. Her question demonstrates how important kissing skills can be for making — or breaking — a relationship!

Q. I have been dating a man for a few weeks. We have been taking our time. Both in 40's with past experiences that helped me to decide to try something different (i.e. taking time, and continuing to pursue a man I was not initially attracted to). We kissed for the first time and I immediately felt I could not be with him. He was a bad kisser. How does one approach a person in telling them they do not want to pursue the relationship? I have thought I could say I was sad because I enjoy him in so many other ways but it was not there when we kissed. I guess I would want to tell him because I imagine he will continue dating others and for the sake of him and the others maybe knowing will help with his potentials. I would appreciate any advice.

A. In my opinion it is simply not a good idea to tell him you're ending the relationship because he's a bad kisser. In fact, in order to be polite (in an age in which civility and politeness may be somewhat of a lost art), simply taper things off and make some other excuse, such as: "I have decided not to pursue relationships at this time because . . . I am thinking of pursuing spiritual studies and prioritizing my philosophical and spiritual studies over everything else" (the way Larry did in Somerset Maugham's novel The Razor's Edge).

The reason I suggest that you do not tell him is also because it is always a good idea to keep on friendly terms with men you have previously dated, if you can. There are many reasons for this, not the least of which is there is always the possibility that he may inherit a million dollars or win the lottery and that he may then perhaps decide to take you on a friendly vacation to Paris or Rome or some other exotic place you've been hoping to see all your life. Or maybe you'll want to call him up with a question about something in the future. Or perhaps he can introduce you to one of his friends. . . You see, there are a million reasons why it's good to remain on pleasant and friendly terms with past lovers, if you can. But telling him he's a bad kisser would be an insult to his pride. He doesn't need lessons from you, and you have no obligation to tell him of his problem if you leave him (only if you decide to stay with him!).

So, the bottom line: My advice is not to tell him he's a bad kisser if you decide to stop the romantic relationship. Instead make up some other plausible reason, and keep him as a platonic friend or acquaintance.

Comcast Kissing Show

I'm delighted to report that you can now see the kissing show featured on Comcast, if you subscribe to Comcast cable television. To see the show, go to Comcast's "On Demand" service. Then scroll down to "more choices." Then scroll down to "The Cutting Edge." Finally select "The Art of Kissing." You'll see plenty of exciting romantic kisses demonstrated by students from The University of Delaware. You'll also receive some up to date kissing tips and a brief discussion about how I wrote the book The Art of Kissing and how I direct the kissing show. Enjoy!

First Kiss

Here's a video with first kiss comments made by a very talented young director, http://www.youtube.com/user/kokiriforest. Enjoy!

Comcast

My appearance on Comcast is expected to take place in December when I will appear on the network's "Singles Life" channel. The segments will feature some footage from a kissing show I recently did at the University of Delaware. It was a terrific experience. I was also working with my favorite associate, Brigitte Fontaine, who is my executive secretary. Her twin sister, Krissy Fontaine, our kissing support supervisor, was also in town, but she stayed in the hotel and would not come with us to do the filming. She was in a bad mood because her boyfriend, Dr. Harris Thornley, told her that her tongue is too short. Thornley, who is a good friend of mine, is forty-five years older than Krissy, but he's got a world of experience behind him and is a very sharp character. He looks like Norman Mailer and acts like him sometimes, too. Krissy was complaining about him the entire time she was in Delaware and her sister had to tell her to calm down. I looked at Krissy's tongue with a magnifying glass and told her it was not short. That made her feel better. She asked if she could test her tongue in any way, and I told her that if she could touch her chin with her tongue that would prove she had a long tongue. She promptly stuck out her tongue and touched her chin.

In the accompanying video (which is not my secretary or her sister) you can see a very talented girl who can do all sorts of tricks with her tongue. I posted this here to show you that your tongue has more flexibility than any other part of your body, and you should keep this in mind when French kissing. You can do all these motions, and more, with your tongue when kissing. Of course, this girl is genetically blessed because her tongue is even more flexible than most, but still your tongue can do a lot of different motions and movements. This video should be inspirational.

Kissing Flier

When I travel to colleges and universities to do a kissing show, I never can tell, in advance, exactly how the student demonstrators will react to the different skits and kisses they'll be doing onstage. Typically we have an audience of anywhere from 250 to a thousand in attendance, and the crowd usually finds the entire procedure vastly entertaining. I can show you something of what goes on in the show by pointing out a few things in the accompanying flyer. The top photo is me standing behind a couple. I am talking into the microphone explaining what the girl is thinking about while she's on a date. The next photo is an illustration of the neck kiss (from the DVD based on the book The Art of Kissing). Then you see me getting a good laugh from the crowd as I interact with the audience and ask them some questions about kissing. Next I'm demonstrating how to do a French kiss by going into a huge mouth onstage with two giant tongues, showing how the tongues flicker up and down. The next shot is from the DVD and illustrates excellent technique on the part of the boy, who is doing a neck kiss. The next photo is from a college show where a number of couples are kissing onstage simultaneously. The rest of the photos are self-explanatory, except for the large one in the middle, which illustrates how to kiss in a car. The girl has climbed onto her boyfriend's lap while he's driving and she's kissing him like mad. This gives you an idea what the kissing show is all about, but words can't fully describe it; in fact, they don't come close.

How To Make Kissing Romantic

A girl from Portugal writes in with this question: "How can I make my kissing more romantic? And how can I make myself a better kisser?"

A. There is only one way to make your kissing more romantic and that is to use your imagination. But, that being said, there are a thousand different things you could do once your imagination gets going. Just think what would be romantic for you. Usually this involves being together with the one you love, being close and communicating romantically. Togetherness involves privacy because if you're on a public street it's more difficult to focus on your partner. So think of places like a park, a beach at sunset, or — a cruise ship. Hey, the idea of an ocean cruise sounds romantic to me! If you can't get on a real cruise, well, you could talk about planning one with your partner. Anticipation is part of the fun.

Being close involves proximity. You want to be close enough to give him a playful punch on the arm or close enough, in other words, to touch. If you're this close you're either being very romantic or wrestling.

Communicating romantically means plenty of eye contact, maintaining a good sense of humor and smiling. Learn a few jokes and spring them on your lover when you're together. All these things will make your kisses romantic.

As to how to improve your kissing, my most concise advice (since my entire book The Art of Kissing is devoted to just this issue) is use variety. Don't just do French kisses. Try lip kisses, neck and ear kisses, sliding and upside-down kisses, lip-o-suction, biting kisses and any others your imagination can devise on the spur of the moment. In this way you'll expand your kissing abilities and have more fun too.

Motivation for Kissing

The sky is one of the greatest romantic backdrops, and kisses at sunset or under the moon or on a starry night have always been favorites with lovers. Well, get ready for something even better. Now when you go outside and look up into the sky, you can think about an asteroid that is headed for earth and which is on a near-collision course with us. The asteroid, named Apophis, was discovered in 2004, a tiny speck of light moving among the stars. NASA scientists calculated its orbit and found that it is scheduled to pass so close to the earth that it will be ten times closer than the moon, and lower than most communications satellites! The problem is that this prediction could be off by a few percentage points and that means the asteroid might actually hit earth. It is the size of a football field and would produce an impact equal to a hundred nuclear bombs exploding simultaneously. The scheduled impact date was originally calculated as Friday the 13th, 2029! But now the scientists predict the impact, if it occurs, will happen in 2036. Whatever the date of impact, and even if it's just a near miss, it certainly is food for thought,—and for kissing. Tell your girlfriend about Apophis, which is guaranteed to send chills down her spine. Then put your arms around her and draw her close for a romantic end-of-the-world kiss.

Reference

1. Link to Nova site with video on Apophis.

Q. My Husband Doesn't Like to Kiss Anymore

A. Kissing often goes by the wayside in long-term relationships unless steps are taken to bring it back. I suggest the following:

1. Explain your thoughts at a time you're *not* kissing.
2. Watch my DVD on The Art of Kissing or romantic movies for inspiration.
3. When watching a good kiss on film, comment, "I'd like to be kissed like that."
4. Entice him with sexy clothes, perfume, etc.
5. Ask him if he'd like to have sex with or kiss ________. Fill in the name with the latest starlet or singer. Fantasy works wonders wonders, and you can use it yourself. Marilyn Monroe employed this stratagem when kissing on the set of films.
6. Withhold favors unless kissed properly.
7. Demand kisses in the kitchen.
8. Kiss him on the neck and bite his ears. Pull his hair. Do something to go outside the norm.
9. Use aphrodisiacs such as maca or others to boost his libido.
10. Read Lady Chatterly's Lover together. The novel can inspire more romantic interludes.
11. If all else fails, have him contact me for kissing lessons.
    

How to French Kiss

French kissing involves tongue contact, but there are no “rules.” Just think of it like eating an apple,—you do what feels good and you never do it the same way twice but each time you try to enjoy it as a new experience.

Some techniques you could try

1. Flicker the tips of your tongues.
2. Rotate tongues in circular motions.
3. Play chase back & forth.
4. Suck your partner’s tongue.
5. Gently bite their tongue.
   

Advice for girls

1. You do not need to do french kisses on a first date.
2. If a boy french kisses you with too much tongue lean back, push him away, or gently bite his tongue.
3. If he makes you gag with his tongue, just gently bite his tongue.
4. And tell him he’s got to cool down.
5. The key to french kissing is tongue contact in the front of the mouth, not way in the back.
6. Too bad most boys don’t realize this.
   

Advice for boys
Keep in mind that the biggest mistake we make is giving girls French kisses before they want them and giving French kisses that are too invasive. Seventy-five percent of girls complain that they have received tongue kisses that made them choke or gag or made them feel like they were suffocating. That being said, if you really think the time is right, then simply open your mouth while kissing her and see if she uses her tongue first. If not, give just a little bit of yours and see if she responds with hers. Always keep in mind that less is more. Try to let the girl take the lead in
French kissing and you'll become a more romantic kisser.

New TV Segment on Kissing In the Works

I'm replying here to a producer's questions for a possible TV show on kissing.

Q. I’m wondering how you would feel about setting up a show (at a theater or simply in a smaller setting) with about 3 couples and maybe 20 people in the audience. Would that work? How would that be different for you?
A. That's a possibility, although I don't have time to do the advance work on that since I'm teaching this semester and completing a book under contract. My lecture agents also suggested the possibility of a free show at a college. They might be able to set that up. Audiencewise, my typical crowd is 250. A smaller crowd means significantly less energy and excitement not only in the audience but also onstage. A seminar with just a handful of people in the room will usually make the demonstrators become reserved. Crowds bring out the best in the actors. This isn't to say that a small crowd can't work; only that it typically leads to less exciting performances.

Q. How does the show work? How do you go through the different styles of kissing? How long is it usually? Tell me about the different parts of the show.
A. I arrive at the venue for a soundcheck. Then I rehearse four couples for an hour. These couples are provided by the student activities office of the college. We then go onstage and the couples demonstrate thirty different types of romantic kisses while I direct them, tell jokes and interact with the audience. It's like a three-ring circus, only there are no lions, clowns, or trapese artists. There's only me telling jokes and the kissing couples. Usually college crowds find this vastly entertaining because here's a public make out session, plus they're learning a few things here and there, like how to do lip-o-suction, the music kiss, and the Trobriand Islands kiss. There is music during the show, too. It's a regular stage production. You can read more about it in The Professor of Smoochology. The show lasts an hour and begins with a five-minute intro by me. The demonstrators are sitting onstage while I tell jokes. Then the demonstrations start, and I introduce each kiss with a description of the technique involved or some interesting statistic while the students onstage actually do the kisses: the lip kiss, the ear kiss, the neck kiss, the biting kiss, the sliding kiss, and all the rest. The set list is pretty much the same as the kisses in the book and on the DVD. Here's the list of kisses (scroll to bottom of that page).

Q. And if we can get a school for sometime near the end of September, what’s your typical day like on the day of the show? How do you prepare? How do you get the students to participate?
A. I arrive at the airport, get picked up by the college and taken to the venue for a soundcheck of CD player, PowerPoint projector and microphone. I make sure the stage is preset with nine chairs and our props. Hopefully the school did its work and has four couples who arrive 90 minutes prior to showtime. If not I have to look for demonstrators on campus. Once I have the couples I rehearse them for an hour (or less if time is short). The students are always excited to participate in the show (if they're shy I encourage them to enjoy it), and college audiences invariably go wild when the show gets underway. When the first kiss occurs they usually scream.

So, there you have it. A typical The Art of Kissing show.

How to Kiss Tall Boys

Backstage at a Korn concert in 2007 you're standing at the door to the dressing room, hoping to meet Jon Davis, when this tall guy in a black vest comes out smoking a cigarette in a long cigarette holder and closes the door behind him so that no one can get in and then makes to walk down the hall, but you chase him and corner him and throw your fourteen-year-old sister to one side of him and tell him you're sixteen and old enough to be backstage (because he told you you weren't) and then he smiles and looks down into your eyes and you realize this is a roadie for the band, also known as a guy who takes care of things for them when they're on tour, and it seems like he might have some glamor of his own, the way he keeps looking at you, until your sister gets so frustrated she sulks off to rejoin her friends and you're left with the tall roadie with the hypnotic gaze, and you can smell the cigarette he's smoking and you know it's not a Lucky Strike or a Marlboro, and before you know it he's smiling so clearly at you and only you that you stand on your toes and press yourself up close to him, as if you were going to whisper a secret right into his mouth, and when you're right up close like that he makes the connection by leaning down that last fraction of an inch until his lips brush against yours and then you're in it, the kiss going on for more time than you can calculate, so that in the middle of the kiss, when you're breathless and dizzy from the experience, you're wondering what ever happened to your sister, and then even that thought goes away and all you can do is wallow in your success and smile up at him and tell him you'll be back tomorrow night, too, for the final concert. That's how you kiss tall boys. In fact, tall boys never bothered you, never were much of a challenge, especially since whenever you got close to them they seemed to calm down and lean down and, with you on tippy-toe, your lips always seem to mesh just right.